Xmen version twisted
by jaet
Summary: welcome to a world where Cyclops and Wolverine are best buds, Pyro acts like a five-year-old, and Deathstrike has a crush on Xavier?!?


Disclamer: I don't own x-men and any of the characters, but Biclops(Cyclops' evil twin) is mine  
  
SCENE: xmen manor, dining room  
  
SETTING: dark and stormy night  
  
PEOPLE: all the good xmen people, seated, eating.  
  
wolverine: eh storm...can't you do anything to stop this storm?  
  
storm: let nature take its course. (mysterious smile)  
  
(moment of silence)  
  
iceman: (loudly and very extra-ly) WELL THE FOOD IS GOOD TONIGHT.  
  
(everyone continues eating)  
  
cyclops: (stands up and clears throat. waits for everyone to be at attention.) I would like to announce that... it is no good to pick your food when you are eating. Thank you. (sits)  
  
xavier: eat your food.  
  
wolverine: (looks out of window) i have a bad feeling something's going to happen...  
  
(thunder... lightning...)  
  
SCENE: specs shop  
  
SETTING: dark and stormy night  
  
PEOPLE: biclops, mystique  
  
(biclops locks door of shop and walks down to basement of shop)  
  
(mystique follows)  
  
(they reach a table covered with a lot of paper with many things scribbled on them)  
  
(biclops grabs some of the paper and looks at them)  
  
(biclops gives out evil (shrieky) laugh)  
  
Mystique: are you alright?  
  
Biclops: yes, of course. (continues laughing)  
  
mystique: (shivers at laughter) are you sure?  
  
biclops: yes... and soon i will be even more alright! i have a plan, my dear mystique... a plan no other has ever thought of!  
  
mystique: what is it?  
  
biclops: TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!!! HAHAHAAAAHAHHHA!!!!!  
  
mystique: but i have thought of that before.  
  
biclops: you shuddup. soon i shall be the most powerful on earth... but to do that... i have to get rid of my other...(weird tone) CYCLOPS.  
  
(biclops laughs evil laugh...)  
  
(fade)  
  
SCENE: xkids plot  
  
SETTING: xmen manor, living room  
  
PEOPLE: rogue, iceman, pyro  
  
(rogue is sitting on the couch, staring off into space)  
  
(iceman is focused on playing playstation)  
  
(pyro is happily eating fernleaf milkpowder)  
  
rogue: i'm bored.  
  
iceman: (indifferent) i'm not.  
  
pyro: (excited) Hey Rogue, want to try some of this? It's my personal favourite. FERNLEAF MILK POWDER!  
  
rogue: (rolls her eyes) You're so immature.  
  
pyro: (offended and hurt) I'm trying to do you a favour! That's it. I am pissed.  
  
rogue: (rolls her eyes again) whatEVER.  
  
iceman: (snaps his fingers) i know! Let's go spy on Professor Xavier and uncover some scandal.  
  
rogue: (rolls her eyes again) the nerd won't have any scandals. His biggest scandal is probably showing too much concern for his students. Besides, idiot, he'll know we're there before we'll there.  
  
iceman: (mysteriously) oh i have a way around that. (laughs a very evil laugh)  
  
(rogue and pyro look at him weirdly)  
  
iceman: (coughs and attempts to look serious) sorry.  
  
SCENE: storm vs. deathstrike  
  
SETTING: a rooftop  
  
PEOPLE: storm, lady deathstrike  
  
(lady deathstrike is crying pitifully on the rooftop)  
  
(storm flys by suddenly with hair that is mad)  
  
(storm rolls her eyes and accidentally calls up a storm, causing lady deathstrike to be blown off the roof)  
  
STORM: (smiles)OOPS. guess now I don't need to find out what was bothering her.  
  
(suddenly, a clawed hand reaches out and grabs onto the edge of the rooftop)  
  
(lady deathstrike appears, her hair is covering her face, making her look like sadako from the ring)  
  
lady deathstrike: I AM LADY DEATHSTRIKE. ALL MUST BOW BEFORE ME, OR DEATH WILL STRIKE YOU!.  
  
storm: that's so corny. I AM STORM AND NOW IT'S GOING TO BECOME VERY STORMY.  
  
(storm rolls her eyes, and lightning strikes)  
  
(lady deathstrike lunges at storm pulling her down onto the roof)  
  
(deathstrike gains the upper hand, and is about to kills storm when suddenly)  
  
storm: (desperately) wait! tell me what was bothering you. i want to help you.  
  
deathstrike: (falters and puts her claw down. her eyes fill up with tears) charles.....he...he....that idiot metal controller! storm: (curious)(smiles sweetly and puts an arm around her). hush now....I'll help you. Why not you tell me the whole story?  
  
SCENE: Cyclops and Jean Grey quarrel  
  
SETTING: X-men manor, kitchen  
  
PEOPLE: cyclops, jean grey, nightcrawler  
  
(Cyclops is sitting at a table sorting out papers)  
  
(Jean Grey enters and heads for the refrigerator. She opens it and gradually becomes angry)  
  
jean: (angry) where's my tub of chocolate ice cream?  
  
cyclops: (calmly) wolverine and i finished it.  
  
(jean snatches cyclops' papers out of his hands)  
  
jean: I'm sick and tired of you male chauvinists claiming to own this household and all its possessions!  
  
cyclops: (annoyed) Wolverine and I do most of the work around here. We sweep the floor, make sure the tables are free of rubber dust, and all you do is shop! You have 78 pairs of grey jeans! How bimbotic can you get?  
  
Jean :(infuriated) At least I'm not an ego maniac like you or forever drunk like Wolverine!  
  
cyclops: DON'T INSULT MY BUDDY.  
  
(Jean raises her hands and pushes Cyclops using her telekinesis)  
  
Cyclops: (struggling) Fight like a real girl! use your catfight techniques.  
  
(Jean snarls and raises her hand into a claw shape)  
  
(Cyclops strikes a wushu pose)  
  
(they are lunging at each other when suddenly nightcrawler teleports between the both of them)  
  
nightcrawler :(urgently) Hey guys! I have important news fo-  
  
(jean and cyclops crash into him)  
  
(Jean rushes there and feels his pulse. She looks up at Cyclops)  
  
Jean: I think he's fallen into a coma.  
  
SCENE: Mystique psychos Wolverine  
  
SETTING: the woods outside the manor  
  
PEOPLE: mystique, wolverine  
  
(wolverine is drinking beer)  
  
(mystique come up from behind)  
  
wolverine: don't come any closer.  
  
mystique: fine. what i came here for...is to give you a warning.  
  
wolverine: (grunts) sure. a warning to stay away from you? gladly.  
  
mystique: (unaffected) (she smiles) no...a warning against your new best friend Cyclops. You don't know what he's been doing, do you? Professor Xavier has lost a million recently. Guess where it's gone?  
  
wolverine: (angry) you stole it! I'm calling the police.  
  
mystique: moron. would i confess it to you if i stole it? Your bedroom drawer is full of cash. Cyclops set you up, dear.  
  
wolverine: (snorts) you think i'd believe you over my friend?  
  
mystique: oh yes....you will. once you see for yourself. i'll morph storm and go in with you tomorrow. You can see for yourself what he's been doing  
  
wolverine: (a bit shaken at mystique's confidence) FINE. TOMORROW.  
  
(wolverine continues drinking beer and mystique wanders off)  
  
SCENE: Next day.at the specs shop  
  
SETTING: specs shop  
  
PEOPLE: mystique, biclops  
  
Biclops: (holding a pair of specs, and squinting his eyes) ahahha this shall be my weapon to kill my dear brother.muah hahahhahah!!!!!!!! (and goes on to studying how the specs could turn into a weapon.)  
  
While working halfway..mystique appears.  
  
(tingling*sound of the bell at the door) biclops lifts up his head.and sees mystique wearing a red cheongsam  
  
biclops mouth wide open.staring at mystique.  
  
Mystique: hello.....bikes...(winks at him)  
  
Biclops: (makes a face) where the hell did you get that from?  
  
Mystique: from your mother.(smiles)  
  
Biclops: my mom????????????????  
  
Mystique: yeah she said I should wear this  
  
Biclops: what for?  
  
Mystique winks at him again and blushes.  
  
Biclops: er.wadever (and goes back to his work)  
  
Mystique: What's that?  
  
Biclops: (clears the throat) let me introduce you to my very new created piece of masterpiece.the bike-cyke version 2.5, it's the latest by the way.made up of a spec.and.im still figuring out its functions.  
  
Mystique: (rolls eyes)well, it doesn't appeal much to me.  
  
Biclops: no, it isn't now.but as soon as its completed.(evil laugh) you'll see its powers.*gives mystique a gruel look which apparently cause her to blush and faint  
  
Biclops: (funny look) freak.  
  
Biclops: (somehow wif his egg-sized intellectual capacity, finally completed the weapon.)Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!(puches a fist in the air) now, to test it out.  
  
And he screws the specs in a spastic way.such that it faced him.*boom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*  
  
*The earth had a little tremor.*  
  
Biclops: (head blown up) yes!............................(and faints)  
  
SCENE: wolverine talks wif xavier  
  
SETTING: x-men manor, xavier's study  
  
PEOPLE: wolverine, xavier  
  
(xavier is sitting at his study, squinting at papers)  
  
(wolverine skips happily in, with his hair in pigtails tied by pink ribbons, in pink kitty pyjamas, pink lao kok kok glasses and pink polished nails)  
  
(xavier looks up and squints at wolverine)  
  
xavier: hello logan.  
  
wolverine: (smiles foolishly) professor! (bows very low) a very good morning!!  
  
xavier: (squints at wolverine again) are you alright, wolverine? Aren't those rogue's pyjamas? And you're looking.kind of..pink  
  
wolverine: (giggles) Isn't that good professor? I'm in the pink of health. i just wanted to tell you.....wait...i wanted to tell you...tell you...tell.  
  
xavier: you're drunk, logan.  
  
wolverine: i know professor...but i need to tell you...it's important. someone came looking for me....miss... miss something. Miss Thick? Ah yes should be a fat person.  
  
xavier: (squints) who? logan..i don't understand...i have no time for riddles...i need to repair my wheelchair. It's stuck and i can't move  
  
wolverine: (laughs) ah professor..there's no difference. it's not like you move very often. ok i'll let you repair it...i need to sleep. bye professor! good day!  
  
(wolverine skips out of the room, singing a song very loudly: "I'M COMING UP AND U GOTTA GET THIS PARTY STARTED")  
  
(wolverine shakes his head, shakes his butt, and moves his hands up and down)  
  
(Behind him, professor xavier cringes and pulls his eyelids shut to avoid this obscene sight) (He moves his chair forward, forgetting that it is spoilt. He falls out of his chair and lands on his head, suffering a concussion) SCENE: Biclops' diabolical plan to frame Cyclops  
  
SETTING: X-men Manor, Wolverine's room's corridor  
  
PEOPLE: Wolverine, Mystique in Storm's form, Biclops  
  
(Mystique and Wolverine are lying in wait)  
  
(Suddenly, Biclops appears and heads straight for Wolverine's room. Wolverine and Mystique move closer and peek inside the room)  
  
(Biclops knows fully well that they're there - camera film in front of Biclops to show his evil grin)  
  
(Biclops is spotted planting money into Wolverine's drawer)  
  
Biclops: Ahaha Wolverine can just go and die.  
  
(Wolverine is heartbroken and runs into his room crying like a baby)  
  
(Mystique grins as Biclops turns around)  
  
(In Wolverine's room)  
  
Wolverine: Oh Noooo I have no more friends! (Lets out a huge sob)  
  
SCENE: Deathstrike vs. Magneto, with xkids xtraing  
  
SETTING: X-men manor, mainly in medical ward  
  
PEOPLE: Xavier, magneto, deathstrike, rogue, iceman, pyro, storm  
  
(Storm leads deathstrike into the manor)  
  
Storm: Quick.go see him!  
  
Deathstrike: (gratefully). Thanks Storm.  
  
Storm: It's my duty to help a friend...(after deathstrike enters, she adds).and at the same time my "friend" will help me come up wif good gossip material! Wahaha  
  
(As deathstrike nears the room, she hears a ji dong crying sound and sees magneto crying over xavier's unconscious body)  
  
deathstrike: YOU STUPID METAL CONTROLLER! Get away from my Charles!  
  
Magneto: (looks up from crying and grows angry) Who the aluminium are you?  
  
Deathstrike: I am Lady Deathstrike, but Xavier calls me his Lady Lover  
  
Magneto: Xavier doesn't call me gross names...awwwwww(a tear rolls down)  
  
Deathstrike: Don't insult Xavier's name calling! You want Xavier? Get past me!  
  
(Meanwhile, the xkids are walking by)  
  
iceman: damn.now we can't use nightcrawler to spy on Xavier..my brilliant plan is officially un-usable.  
  
Rogue: you're so unfeeling..you should be more worried about nightcrawler.  
  
Iceman: Hey I'm iceman..I'm cold.but I'm also the coolest person at school.(proud smirk)  
  
(Pyro walks to Iceman, places Iceman's head between his hands and expands)  
  
(They hear an evil laugh and shrieking, and Iceman rushes to the room, peeking inside)  
  
Pyro: (anxiously) Who's inside?  
  
Iceman: Magneto and lady deathstrike  
  
Rogue: (worriedly) What's happening? Is Magneto torturing Lady deathstrike by prying apart her claws or something?  
  
Iceman: er no.actually he's spraying water on them.  
  
(In the medical ward, Magneto is pouring water on deathstrike's claws)  
  
Deathstrike: Oh no...now they're rusty (starts sobbing)  
  
Magneto: stay away from Xavier..he's mine.  
  
Deathstrike: nooooo I love charles  
  
Rogue: (covers her mouth) oh my-  
  
Pyro and Iceman: ooooooo Xavier's a gay  
  
(Xavier suddenly sits upright and opens his eyes)  
  
(Deathstrike and magento rush to him)  
  
Together: Are you alright?  
  
(Xavier looks like a moron. He stares blankly)  
  
Xavier. Who are you people  
  
Lady Deathstrike: (shrieks) WHAT! YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?ME! ME! I DO SO MUCH FOR YOU AND YOU FORGET ME?ME! ME! (slaps him) forget it, I'm leaving you to rot.  
  
(Xavier has not much reaction)  
  
Xavier: bubu. (smiles foolishly)  
  
Magneto: Don't worry Xavier, I'll take care of you forever. (sincere).  
  
Xavier: ok. Sleepy now. See you again. Bubu 


End file.
